GARY ALLYN'S RADIOPINION

                                         SONG TITLE TITILLATION

Over the years there have been many stories of use, abuse and misuse of song titles on the part of

disc jockies and/or announcers on the air. A couple come to mind. When I was programming

KCBQ in San Diego, a bulletin came to the news department warranting an interruption of the

music format. It was the death of President Eisenhower. After the newsman finished his somber

delivery, our morning D.J. followed with: "I Wanna Live" by Glen Campbell.  Then there was

the tale of another tragic event that caused another news bulletin break into regular music pro-

gramming. Only this time it was an automated station. This time following the bulletin, was the

song: "Drop Kick Me Jesus Through The Goal Posts Of Life" by Bobby Bare. Again, while at

KCBQ, Robert L. Collins was doing afternoon drivetime. Bob loved taking song titles and turning

them in to double entendre. He would always say...."now Spanky and Our Gang Bang out another

hit"...Robert L. always cackled when he back announced the Stones hit "It's All Over Now" with:..

.."I used to love her but(t)..it's all over now"...Bob's other favorite was: " here's Janis Joplin with a

little Piece Of My Heart-on(hard on)-KCBQ". He always hit the post though. Always. Whether

unintentional or on purpose, they're funny 40 years later.  Back then, I wasn't too pleased. I imagine

many of you have some similar situations. If so, I'd love to hear about 'em.

All this brings me to a list of Top Ten Country Western song titles that was emailed to me.

Top Ten country song titles are:

10. I Hate Every Bone in Her Body But Mine
9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed with an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With A
Few
8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
7. I've missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'
6. Wouldn't Take Her to A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win
5. I'm So Miserable Without You It’s like You're Still Here
4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Miss Him
3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger
2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer
And the Number One Country & Western song title is...

1.       It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day.

And my "favorite" I heard on a Texas station was: "Mother's not dead, she's just Sleepin' " by

the Louvin Bros. Only in this wonderful business called Radio can this happen. Love it!!

That's my RadiOpinion....what's yours? 

                       Gary Allyn's Radiopinion

                                   Brenda, Bobby, Burl..enough already!!

 

Now, I love a good Christmas carol or song as much as anybody. But after 60 years,

I'm getting a little tired of "Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree"and "a rump-a-pum-pum" 

with "The Little Drummer Boy". If that's not long enough, we now have stations starting 

their All Christmas music formats November 1st!  Joy to the World and Feliz to your Navy 

Dad.  Yep, there's only 55 more days of a "Holly Jolly Christmas" and The Chipmunks. 

I know, this usually gets some decent rating points for these "brave" but tedious stations.  

I know, I'll be able to hear this again in Target and Sears while shopping. Just can't get

 enough of those badly segued Christmas Classics...like The Singing Dogs barking their way 

through "Jingle Bells"and deftly merging into "Mary's Boy Child" by Harry Belafonte or 

The Mormon Tabernacle Choir!  I cringe.

Oh! I know, there's always a 5, 6,or 7 year old coming along who's never heard these "ripe"

holiday "chestnuts" before. I worry that they're now sentenced to hear them the rest of their 

lives! Before you scold me and call me a programming "Scrooge", I love the Holidays. Perhaps

we should just throw common sense and programming philosophy out in the snow with

"Frosty" and enjoy it all. But I fear some group or dogmatic person will come along and

picket these stations for having too many songs with Christmas in the lyrics! It's only a matter

of time. If the lawsuits then prevail, that'll cut the Holiday song list down by over 80%! 

We'll have to get Brenda Lee to re-record "Rockin' Around The HOLIDAY Tree" I guess.

I can't even imagine Bing Crosby ever singing "White Holiday" can you? And Mel Torme 

would never have written "The Holiday Song" today. Somehow hearing Sinatra sing: "I'll

Be Home For The Winter Solstice" won't cut it either. While I wait for political correctness

to offer some new songs...Little Drummer Boy...you're safe.  For now!.." a rump-a-pum-pum...

That's my RadiOpinion...what's yours?

By the way, Stan Freberg's "Green Christmas" is still funny after 55 years. A CLASSIC!

Listen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5IXlfJSEi4

Gary Allyn's Radiopinion


DISC JOCKEY vs. DIGITAL JOCKEY


It's been quite some time since my fingers cued a vinyl record.
I have to say, I miss it. I miss the "feel" of the grooves on my
fingertips, the circular racing of the turntable beneath the record.
I miss the feeling that I controlled it, I-The Disc Jockey-would let
go and the sounds in those grooves would be heard by thousands
of ears. One had the feeling that your fingertips, hands, and arm
was just an extension of the turntable's tone arm, and thus connec-
ted to the entire transmission chain that brought entertainment to
listeners. It was something special..at least to me. Little ol' me. I
put the 331/3, 45, or 78 rpm round, flat, pressed vinyl on a spinning
turntable, placed a tone arm with needle on it and then talked about
it as though it was your very own child you were introducing. And as
you were doing all this, you had time(barely) to notice the label, the
label's color and logo, the running time, the title, the song writer(s)
name, the publisher(ASCAP/BMI etc.)...I still see them in my sleep.
Most of us Disc Jockeys could even tell you what was on the "flipside".
 I felt like I was an integral part of the Radio station. I was needed.I
also had the notion that the listener sensed that special connection...
maybe it was just me.
Today, it's the Digital Jockey who makes his or her connection through
a computer, through software, and onto a computer screen with a virtual
on-screen "button" to push, which brings up the digitally enhanced music
to the listener(s). It seems so simple. So clinical. So hyper-technical. So
sterile to me. Those in today's radio of 10101010's will think that we "old
guys" are like the outdated Model-T Ford. If so, they probably never had
the experience of actually touching the music through a vinyl pressing, or
they believe that the Digital Jockey is truly a better method. It's one of
those discussions that really will never be solved like: Who was better?
Joe Louis or Muhammed Ali?  Johnny Unitas or Tom Brady? And on-and-
on it will go. As for me? I prefer to be an extension of the "flow" as a Disc
Jockey instead of an extended piece of high tech equipment-Digital Jockey.
That's MY RadiOpinion....what's yours?

WHAT ARE WE HERE FOR?

WHAT ARE WE HERE FOR?
Well, we’re in the communication business. While this appears obvious,
there is much more to that word communication than just thirteen letters.
In the business of Radio Communication, it means connecting a listenable
"product" or format to the listener’s ears. Especially in Radio, the first
appeal is to the EAR, just as in Television, the first appeal is to the EYE.
Just HOW we sound appealing has been the subject for debate over many,
many decades. What sounds appealing to one, may be a turn off or tune-out
to another. In other words, this whole area of communication is subjective
at best. It’s really what’s in the mind’s "ear" as to what is appealing.
If you agree with that thought, then one must decide WHOSE "ear" are we really
talking about? Whose "ear" are we to do the appealing? You, the programmer?
You, the air-talent? You, the General Manager? You, the Music Director?
Or is it the "ear" of the listener? In many cases, it’s a little of each. This is
probably the wrong approach. As I said at the out-set, we’re to connect with
the listener’s "ears" in order to communicate our "product". Therefore; it would
follow, we must find the best, easiest, most direct way to do it. All too often
over the past 20-25 years it’s either been a "corporate" or "company" policy
of force-feeding the listener(s) in a market as to THEIR way of trying to
appeal to the audience. Instead of becoming easy, simple, or direct, the
Radio community has decided on complicated research methodology which
has been skewed to fit the "corporate" or "company" philosophy. If the
ultimate goal is the most listenership, i.e.; listeners, then it’s that market’s
listeners who should be "telling" you what THEY want to hear…not the other
way around! In Radio, there’s just too many intangibles that go into the make-
up of a listener-friendly station. Honesty, believability, attitude, tempo, and
probably most important-information and entertainment…to mention a few.
All this, BEFORE research of any kind. This is the basic "stuff" of any Radio
Station. Simple really. Today, Broadcasting and communication has become
too difficult, confusing, and un-necessary for even those in this business to
understand. No wonder the poor listener is drowned in a "sea of mediocrity".
Voice tracking has replaced the "live" D.J. I always thought that it takes a "live"
voice to attract "live" real-time listeners. It prevents spontaneity and the instantaneous
quality which Radio always promoted itself on...and prided itself in.
No wonder rating shares are down(along with revenues). No wonder Satellite Radio
and the Internet are poised for a "golden opportunity" to take over what was once-in
Marshall McCluhan’s words-a "Hot Medium". A medium that has now "cooled"
due to improper management dictates and diluted federal regulation.

EARSHOT: "lest we forget, it’s the Public’s airwaves"

That's my RadiOpinion, what's yours?

PASSING THE TORCH TO WHOM?

For those of us who were fortunate enough to be a part of Radio's "Second Golden Era", many of us
wondered whether our work was going to be "little noted, nor long remembered"-to paraphrase Abe
Lincoln. In most lines of work, a "Torch" is passed on to those who follow. In Radio, the "Torch" seems to be smoldering, if not almost extinguished. If we are to "pass the torch", who would receive
it?  A Voice tracker? Syndicated program hosts? I Heart Radio? Maybe you know someone.
It's a rather sad commentary when you listen around the dial(AM or FM) and find little in the way
of "Star" quality personalities, interesting communicators, or creative programming. On the other
hand, where can a radio novice go to learn the radio business? Most will say a small market is the
place to start. But this is where most stations run syndicated programming,very little local involvement, and no budget to pay a decent wage. Broadcast schools are few, college radio is a
possibility, but campus operations have few commercials to educate the new generation in the world
of REAL Radio. Talking about radio in a classroom is of some value, but "hands on" experience is
still the best way to learn. The new radio wannabe can always go online and download various
radio air check sites and listen to the way it was done in "The Golden Era"(1935-1955) and/or "The
Second Golden era"(1955-1975). Listening is NOT doing! One has to find his or her niche and
personality without copying those of the past. It's hard to be an "Original" in most any field, but radio
is quite difficult to be original and achieve desired rating success. I'd love to pass along my half a
century of radio experience...but really, just where are you? Come out and be heard please.
That's my RadiOpinion....what's yours?

DOWNLOADS? RADIO'S DOWNFALL??

RADIO. IT IS WHAT IT IS. NOT WHAT SOME WOULD LIKE IT TO BE- OR BECOME. IT'S

AMAZING HOW MANY PUNDITS AND OBSERVERS WANT RADIO TO MORE LIKE THE

INTERNET. YES, WE'RE ALL TRYING TO ATTRACT MANY OF THE SAME PEOPLE TO

LISTEN TO OUR OFFERINGS, BUT THERE IS A DIFFERENCE. WE'RE BOTH MEDIA, BUT

THE DELIVERY MECHANISM IS MUCH DIFFERENT. ONE IS FREE, THE OTHER IS PAID

FOR. ONE ARRIVES AT YOUR EARS VIA FREQUENCY WAVES, THE OTHER THROUGH

HARD WIRES,CABLE AND OTHER EQUIPMENT. SO, THE FIRST CHOICE MENTIONED IS

RADIO, THE OTHER(LATTER)CHOICE IS THE INTERNET. ONE COULD REPLACE THE

OTHER, BUT THEY CAN NEVER BE ONE AND THE SAME. BOTH MEDIA...DIFFERENT

VEHICLES. JUST AS AIRPLANES, BOATS AND TRAINS ARE ALL TRANSPORTATION, 

BUT DIFFERENT VEHICLES & DIFFERENT WAYS TO GET TO WHERE YOU'RE GOING.

ONE COULD REPLACE THE OTHERS, OR BECOME MORE PREFERRED OVER OTHERS,

BUT THEY CAN NEVER BE ONE AND THE SAME. COMMON SENSE. WHY IS IT THAT

SO MANY INDUSTRY PEOPLE WANT TO MAKE RADIO INTO AN INTERNET SOURCE.

CAN'T HAPPEN. SHOULDN'T HAPPEN. RADIO MUST VIE IN THE MARKETPLACE OF

IDEAS AND COST EFFECTIVENESS TO BE THE MOST PREFERRED MEDIA OVER ALL

OTHER SOURCES. IF THE PRODUCT IS BETTER, AND THE COST IS MUCH BETTER,

THERE SHOULD BE SOLID COMPETITION FOR THE LARGEST AUDIENCE. AT LEAST

THAT'S THE WAY I THINK. THE PROBLEM TODAY IS, THE RADIO INDUSTRY LEADERS

WANT TO GIVE UP OR GIVE IN TO THE FASTER GROWING INTERNET COMPETITORS.

IT'S THE PRODUCT AND PRESENTATION OF THAT PRODUCT IS WHAT REALLY

MATTERS. PUT REAL PROFESSIONAL'S ON THE AIR, PROGRAM IT FOR MASS APPEAL

OR A DESIRED AUDIENCE, AND THE LISTENER WILL FIND YOU, JUST AS YOU FOUND

THIS PAGE. THE LISTENER-LIKE THE SHOPPER-IS ALWAYS LOOKING FOR THE BEST

PRODUCT AT THE BEST PRICE AND AT THE EASIEST TO FIND VENUE. WE IN RADIO

HEARD THE SAME OLD "THE SKY IS FALLING" SCARE SCENARIOS WHEN TELEVISION

CAME INTO PLAY. NOT ONLY DID RADIO SURVIVE IT'S VISUAL COMPETITOR, IT

THRIVED. THERE IS HOPE RADIO FRIENDS. IT JUST TAKES THOSE WITH COURAGE

TO MAKE BROADCASTING OVER THE AIR ALIVE, LIVE AND FUNDAMENTALLY

SOUND AGAIN. THAT'S MY RADIOPINION, WHAT'S YOURS?

DID RADIO’S DOWNFLL START WITH MORNING MAYHEM SHOWS?

It used to be fun to listen to Radio in the morning. Not anymore. Remember when
it was just ONE person doing the morning drive shift? Over the past decade or so,
morning drive has turned into morning drivel! It’s now composed of two to ten
sophomoric and moronic radio wannabees who usually feature unprepared, unintelligent gibberish, often laced with profane and inane language. Humor from these broadcast
amateurs is often confused with laughing, giggling, & snorting; coupled with titillating
double entendres and the downright obscene. This banal and anal attempt to entertain has finally reached critical mass with most of a dwindling radio audience. Finally, radio management in
their haste to improve a meager bottom line, has wisely decided to rid themselves of this
un-necessary expense. Who needs to pay this many people to be unfunny and provide little
more than a menagerie of maniacal mayhem in the morning? There’s no comparison with
today’s A.M. amateurs with the great pros of the past. Can you imagine putting today’s
lame lineup against the likes of Rege Cortig, Wally Philips, Happy Hare, Robert W. Morgan,
Hawthorn, Don Sherwood, “Coffeehead” Larsen, Robert L. Collins, Charlie Tuna? No
contest really. This is just another example how radio could become great again if it would
only learn from a great past. Radio is all about sounding good, with the first appeal being to
the ear. Just tell me what’s appealing to the ear these days. Sorry, time’s up.

That’s my RadiOpinion, what’s yours? - Gary Allyn